Dodds, Mary

Wife of Allan Dodds

Date of Death: 12/02/2019

Below are extracts from The Gazzette No.69.  

Eulogy by Alastair Dodds

Mum - As we walked in to the service today I could almost hear Mum saying in that cheerful, slightly cheeky voice, ‘Have all these people come here because of me!’ Well, Mum, yes they have and we are here to celebrate your wonderful life, a life in which you gave so much to so many.

Mum rarely talked about herself so I will try and fill in some of the blanks in the life of this amazing lady.

She was born on 17 Sept 1928 in Liverpool and 45 minutes later her identical twin sister, Muriel, arrived. Known to us as Mu, because as a toddler I couldn’t pronounce Muriel. Mu is with us in the congregation today and was a lifelong companion, friend as well as twin sister to mum. Their older brother Peter, who only passed away two years ago, made up the rest of the family .

Educated at Huyton College, Mum particularly excelled on the tennis court where she partnered Mu, and the rest of the team comprised their lifelong friends Gill and Joan. Rumour has it that Mu was a stronger server and mum was better at the net – many opponents were totally confused and none the wiser that they kept facing the same server in doubles matches!

In the late ’40s Mum met Dad, and after a brief romance they had to get married in a hurry – not for the reasons that may be running through your mind but because Dad had been called up to go to fight in Korea. They married in Harrogate in 1950 and honeymooned at The Freshwater Bay Hotel on the Isle of Wight. Dad then disappeared to Korea. They wrote regularly until, during the harsh Korean winter, the ink froze in Dad’s fountain pen – I always thought that was a brilliant excuse for not writing letters!

Dad returned a year later and they enjoyed 66 years of happy marriage. They moved to York when Dad got a job on the staff at St Peter’s School. Peter arrived in 1953, followed by me two years later, and Richard completed our family in 1959. This period was a particularly happy time for Mum and Dad. They took over The Manor, one of the boarding houses, and were very much part of the staff team and made many great friends.

In 1964 Dad was appointed Headmaster of Ottershaw School in Surrey, a state-run boarding school where many of the boys had either lost their parents or had some particular need to board. Mum threw herself into supporting Dad and took over the school tuck shop among other roles. An old boy of the school wrote to Richard and me to say how the sales soared with Mum’s arrival – her smiling face and engaging charm touched them all. Richard and I used to love helping with    stock-taking – or perhaps it could be best described as stock-reducing.

Tragedy struck in 1965 when our older brother, Peter, died in a car accident. This was such a challenging time for Mum. She had to cope with her own grief while still supporting Dad in the very challenging and lonely job of Headmaster of a secondary school and having the not inconsiderable job of bringing up Richard and me.

Mum stoically coped and we can remember a really happy childhood and wonderful holiday memories – normally spent on a windswept Cumbrian beach or in the beautiful Yorkshire Dales. She must have driven thousands of miles across Surrey taking Richard and me to various train stations, sporting and social events. Mum had a marvellous sense of fun. In a letter from an old boy he described Mum test-driving a go-kart, built in the school workshops at Ottershaw, in front of parents and pupils. She apparently roared with laughter as she careered round the test track knocking over various flags in the process. He wrote how her warm and captivating smile will live with him forever.

Later both she and Dad became involved with The Samaritans. Mum trained as a pastoral counsellor and reflexologist. Many people benefitted from Mum’s wonderful non- judgemental approach to all she met. I am sure it wasn’t so much what Mum might have said but more her ability to connect and make others feel at ease.

Ottershaw closed in 1980. Mum and Dad moved to Woking and then to Winchester in 1990. Grandchildren started to arrive and Mum was always on hand to look after our two, William and Ellie, and Richard’s girls Hannah, Izzy and Lucy. Staying with Granny and Grandad was never a chore. They always looked forward to her delicious steak and kidney pie, the toffee ice cream and the squares of chocolate carefully stored out of reach. There were various bikes and trikes that Mum had rescued from the tip! Mum loved them all and was a wonderful Mum too to Sarah, Doon and more recently Clare.

Mum’s attitude to waste was legendary – no toothpaste tube would ever see the bin with the remotest morsel of toothpaste left in it. She devised all sorts of methods to squeeze out the last bit.

Mum loved her garden and the house was always welcoming. She kept herself fit with short tennis and purchased a cowboy hat for her line dancing. She and Dad became involved in the community of Winchester Cathedral. She was a talented seamstress and knitter – she made Ellie’s prom dress and the bridesmaid dresses for our niece, Naomi’s, wedding. In fact during her final hours Mum was still knitting squares which would be made into blankets for charity.

She enjoyed painting with oils, wood sculpturing and was very in tune with the natural world.

Life changed again in 2004 when Dad suffered a stroke and Mum changed from a supporting role to decision-maker and carer. Once again she coped really well and looked after Dad with great sensitivity and affection until his death in 2016.

Her last few years were spent at Headbourne Worthy and Richard and I would like to thank enormously the staff of both Headbourne Worthy House and Home Instead, who enabled both Mum and Dad to live independently and happily right up to the end of their lives. The care given by the carers from Home Instead can best be summed up when I used to phone Mum and ask if her carer was there. She frequently replied, ‘No, my carer isn’t here but my friend is.’ I know that you also gained much from Mum’s cheerful and sunny nature, which stayed with her even on her final day.

And so it really is time to say goodbye.

Mum, you were always there for us. Richard and I could never have asked for more and I hope you can sense the love that so many people here and elsewhere feel for you. Give our love to our dear brother Peter and beloved Dad.

God bless you, Mum.

 

Eulogy by Richard Dodds

I sometimes tell my patients in the Children’s Clinic that the most important decision you make in your life is choosing your parents. I think I struck lucky choosing mine.

Mum, for 60 years you have been the constant in the equation of my life. Had I told her that before, she would have probably replied, “I say! That sounds rather important.”

For those of you who haven’t thought about equations since you were at school, the constant is just what it says – always there, always the same. No matter whether the other numbers are up or down, mum was just the same and always there to balance things up. She would boost you up when low and keep you grounded when you got a bit above your station. When I proudly brought home my Olympic Gold medal, she exclaimed, “My word, what a lovely velvet box!”

She was always smiling, always laughing and always finding the good bits of everyone she met. She loved the countryside. She spent hours trying to find the perfect picnic spot much to the frustration of the boys who just wanted to have their lunch.

She was never one for designer labels. She phoned me once to tell me excitedly that she had got a new car. I asked her what it was, to which she replied, “A lovely green one.”

Mum, you were the best constant I could have possibly asked for. So, as you taught me to say all those years ago, “Thank you for having me!” You did a great job.